The Nozzle of Righteousness
A Moral Hygiene Guide for Post-Dump America
Congratulations, citizen. If you're reading this, it means you still possess the most precious relic of a functioning democracy: a working brainstem and the faint flicker of a moral compass. And you’re probably wondering—how the hell are people still supporting Donald Dipshit Dump in 2025?
We’ve practically seen it all now, haven’t we? The judicial tantrums. The military purges. The Tariff Tsunami of April, which triggered a recession faster than a Musk rocket explodes. The weekly firings of generals like it’s a goddamn reality show. The press crackdowns, the religious tests, the Third Term Teasers™. Hell, do we need to wait until he tries to rename America “Dumplandia” and signs the executive order in crayon?
And let’s not waste another second on that tired civility bullshit about “two sides.” There are not two sides. There’s Team Reality... and there’s Team Rabid Dumpster Fire.
Supporting Dump at this point isn’t a political opinion—it’s a cry for help, a badge of shame, or a declaration of war against democracy. Possibly all three.
Still clinging to Dump in Year 5 of the Apocalypse? Let’s check your vitals:
Believes Dump is a genius businessman – despite six bankruptcies and selling NFTs of his own face in 2023.
Still blames “wokeness” for their inability to form human relationships.
Uses the word “patriot” more than once per sentence.
Thinks suspending elections was “just a joke.”
Has an erection every time Dump says “enemy of the people.”
If you recognize yourself or your uncle in these bullet points, congratulations: you are the reason democracy now comes with a warning label.
Now let’s take a stroll through the flaming wreckage, shall we?
The Military Gutting – Dump fired the entire Joint Chiefs for “looking at him wrong,” replacing them with podcast hosts and former WWE talent.
The Economy – He slapped 200% tariffs on Chinese goods, then acted surprised when everything cost more—yes, even the freedom fries.
Education – Department of Education? Gone. Replaced with “Truth University,” led by Ben Shapiro, offering courses like Civics for Cucks. And what’s left of the Education Department is gearing up to strongarm student loan collections. At least irony isn’t dead.
Climate Policy – Replaced the EPA with ExxonMobil interns and renamed global warming “sun freedom.”
Immigration – Building a wall around California, because “the vibes are suspicious.”
And that’s just this past Monday through Wednesday.
Let’s meet the cast of this reality-horror-satire.
The Willfully Stupid
Still believes Dump is “playing 5D chess” while he forgets how doors work.
Uses “fake news” as a response to weather reports.
The White Supremacist
Sees Dump as their golden calf—painted orange and wrapped in the Confederate flag.
Believes the Civil War never ended; it just went underground and got a podcast.
The Totalitarian Thirst Trap
Hates democracy. Loves uniforms. Fantasizes about a strongman spanking them with the Constitution.
Has “Pinochet did nothing wrong” in their Tinder bio.
The Rich Ghoul
Doesn’t like Dump. But loves what he does for tax shelters and stock portfolios.
Will sell your freedom for a fifth vacation home and a self-driving bidet.
The Nihilist Troll
Wants chaos. Hates meaning. Memes instead of thinks. Probably wears ironic Nazi chic while screaming about censorship.
Here’s the point, folks: we have to stop pretending this is fixable. You do not debate a tapeworm. You do not “reach across the aisle” to someone who’s lighting the aisle on fire. You isolate the disease before it kills the host.
Shun them. Ostracize them. De-platform them. Unfriend, unfollow, unfuck, and uninvite.
Don’t date them.
Don’t hire them.
Don’t allow them near positions of influence, education, or breeding stock.
They made their choice. They chose cruelty. They chose lies. They chose a man whose moral compass points directly into a septic tank.
You don’t get to stay “neutral.” Neutrality is the velvet glove of complicity. This is the test history will ask: When the country was teetering, when democracy was hemorrhaging—did you shun the swine? Did you call the liars what they were? Did you protect truth like it mattered? Or did you just nod politely while Uncle Rick explained why Dump was “actually good for blacks”?
Because, listen: this isn’t just a political fight. It’s a spiritual hygiene issue. There are people who no longer qualify as citizens in the moral sense. Hell, some no longer qualify as humans—at least not in the way humanity used to be defined.
The time has come: Scrub the stain or be the stain.
If democracy means anything, it means we draw lines. We name the disease. And we isolate it. With mockery, with truth, with bans, with fire.
Let them scream “cancel culture” as the door hits them on the way out. Let them whine about “free speech” while they’re screaming into the echo chamber of their own ruin. We tried the high road. They bulldozed it and built a Dump casino on top.
Now it’s moral fumigation time. And you, dear reader, hold the spray nozzle of righteousness. Use it.
Use it now and lay it on thick.
Dane & Betty’s “Missing the Point” Podcast. Sponsored by the evil Alphabet Corp.
